My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Randomize
