i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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