giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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