we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
