That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
