These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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