People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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