Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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