Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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