a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
