why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
