she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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