I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
