my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
