Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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