he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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