i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Welp...herpes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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