she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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