dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
