right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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