he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
