Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the day after is always just damage control
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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