I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
