I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
