Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
