Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
