you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Two words: blizzard sex
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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