i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
