It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
