She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
