Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
