I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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