You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
