if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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