He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
