I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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