everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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