I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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