The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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