and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
