I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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