well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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