she pinky promised me she was 18
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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