yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
