last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
