Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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