im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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