after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
