My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
