I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
