NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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