The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize