You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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