Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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