i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
