i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
