I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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