Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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