I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
