Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
