What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize