I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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