If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
