My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
