I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
