I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
