Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
