I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
