It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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